this word "want"

We are almost two weeks into the new year. How are you doing on your resolutions or goals? It was a good idea for me to change my thinking from resolutions and goals to things I want to do. It seems so strange to me that thinking of what I want to do as opposed to what I should do would make such a big difference. The list didn't change, but the pressure to perform is so much less. I wish I could say that the pressure to perform was completely gone... guess that is too much to ask for a perfectionism addict to expect in two short weeks.

Items on my want list that I accomplished:

Several small items painted, entered Christmas 2010 in my Memory Book, finished reading a book on prayer, blogged seven times (including this one), sent 2 birthday cards, written a letter, updated my address book, read a novel, took 3 pictures of the day, and today I shoveled snow.

The next things on my want to do list are:

organize my projects

sew curtains for my office

buy Tom's birthday gift

visit Illinois

I had again planned to make it to Illinois this week, but this winter weather is playing havoc with my plans. When I moved I promised my sister that I would visit every week or at least a couple of times a month. It has been 5 weeks since I made it to Champaign. I needed to add "God willing and the creek don't rise (or freeze)" to my promises or better still stop making promises. My sister Pat understood that I hoped to go home that often, but that my trips depended upon weather and life co-operating, yet wasn't one of the lessons in Genesis about being careful what you promise.

Maybe I should have used that "want" word again...telling Pat that I want to visit as often as I can. As I write "want" there's a part of me that feels selfish. Why is that? There is nothing wrong with me wanting to visit home or get certain things done. In fact, they are probably actions that God would have me do. When I say what I want, it feels as if I have put myself ahead of everyone else. Yet God tells us that He wants to give us the desires of our heart (when they are according to His will). Sometimes I think I don't express my wants because I am afraid that even though God promised that He won't give them to me... not much trust there!

Can you truly love someone that you don't trust? I don't think so. What does that say about my love for God if I don't trust Him with my desires? I think I need to spend some time with God discussing this wanting thing!