I feel like I have been sick my whole life. I have written many times about my struggle with depression. But that is not what I am writing about today. No, today I am struggling with my other life long sickness... motion sickness.
To many motion sickness is a malady they have while riding in a car or sailing in a boat or flying in a plane. The terrible nausea that is associated with the movement of the car or the rocking of the boat or the shivering of the plane during turbulence. The sickness that makes it difficult and uncomfortable to travel. If you suffer from motion sickness, you know what I am talking about: the nausea, the sudden heat flash, the feeling of spinning, even the sensitivity to light and noise. Thankfully there is Dramamine.
Yes, I suffer from traveling motion sickness, but mine goes a little farther than that. I get sick when I swim or even just float in the water. I get sick when I rock in a rocking chair. I get sick watching my grandchildren twirl. I get sick when I vacuum. I get sick when I unload the dryer or the dishwasher. I get sick when I clean the shower or the tub. I get sick when I lean down to shave my legs. I get sick when I exercise. I even get sick when I go shopping. And the list goes on and on.
Dramamine often keeps me from getting sick, unfortunately not always. I took Dramamine before I started to clean today. I got my office dusted and vacuumed, but then I started to feel sick. I had to stop and lie down.
I am lying down and feeling sorry for myself and doing some wrestling with God. I have been incredibly blessed by God. I know this. I am even trying to keep a list of the gifts that He gives me (One Thousand Gifts by Ann Vankamp). Yet, today I am questioning why I am so blessed, but often can't enjoy those blessings. God has given me a loving husband, but I can't do many of the things that he would enjoy doing. Then there are Andy and Matt, Kelly, Amelia and Asher, family, and friends that I am also limited in what activities that I can enjoy with them. God has given me a beautiful house, but I get sick when I clean it. There are so many things that I want to do, but can't. I am wrestling with God.
Jacob wrestled with God. I read about it this morning in Genesis. He wrestled all night. I'm not really sure what Jacob wrestled with God about. I know that Jacob was on his way home and was about to face his brother Esau, whom had sworn to kill him for stealing their father's blessing. I know that Jacob was afraid for his life and also the life of his wives and children. Was Jacob wrestling with God because God had told him to go home...or was it about how Jacob was suppose to handle Esau... or was it much deeper and Jacob was wrestling with God over whether Jacob would accept God as his God? In the end Jacob walked with a limp, was blessed by God, and had his name changed to Israel.
So, today I am wrestling with God. What will be the outcome? I don't know. I do know that any time spent with God brings change... a deeper understanding of who God is, who I am, and how much He loves me.
January 17, 2013
January 16, 2013
Lamictal
I had just about finished writing this blog describing, in great detail, what has happened since my doctor prescribed Lamictal. By the time I got to paragraph four even I was bored...so here are the highlights:
Dr. Cobb prescribes Lamictal to help boost my medications that I take for depression.
Emotionally, I feel better than I have in a long time.
Physically, I start to experience side effects... nausea, nightmares, a rash.
I decide to continue medication until I see my doctor in January.
One week before I see Dr. Cobb, I can't take it anymore and reduce dosage...I know, I know, I don't recommend that anyone would change medication or dosage without talking to their doctor.
Feel a little better when I see Dr. Cobb. She is concerned with the side effects also. She recommends that instead of taking the pills before bed that I should take them at dinner time. We schedule a follow up in three weeks.
I can't wait that long! I am sick and tired of being nauseous. I am cutting down the dosage to one pill. If I am not feeling better in a week, I will call my doctor.
I just hate that we find something that makes me feel better emotionally and it makes me sick physically!
January 9, 2013
Corporate Sponsorship of Inaugurations
In the USA Today it is reporting "Business Giants Helping Obama". President Obama has decided for his second inauguration that he will solicit corporate underwriting. I don't know what past presidents have done, but I do know that for his first inauguration he refused corporate dollars. Why the change?
The four corporations that were reported to be sponsors are: Microsoft, AT&T, Centene Corp, and Genetech. Microsoft just received a $617 million software contract with the Pentagon. AT&T has been awarded a $4.6 million contract. Centene Corp. manages health insurance programs in many states, including Medicaid. Genentech is a drugmaking company.
"There are laws that bar federal contractors from spending money to influence presidential and congressional elections, but few limits are placed on post-election fundraising to pay for swearing-in festivities, on Jan. 20 and Jan 21." stated USA Today.
I don't know about you, but I think that these donations seem a little like payback or graft. I am not saying that they are...just that it doesn't look or feel right.
Maybe it is time that our countries elected officials stop throwing such elaborate, extravagant, and actually pretty elitist parties. Yes, we should celebrate the election of our president. Any individual who would like to contribute a small amount should be allowed to, but lets stop corporate sponsorship!
What do you think?
The four corporations that were reported to be sponsors are: Microsoft, AT&T, Centene Corp, and Genetech. Microsoft just received a $617 million software contract with the Pentagon. AT&T has been awarded a $4.6 million contract. Centene Corp. manages health insurance programs in many states, including Medicaid. Genentech is a drugmaking company.
"There are laws that bar federal contractors from spending money to influence presidential and congressional elections, but few limits are placed on post-election fundraising to pay for swearing-in festivities, on Jan. 20 and Jan 21." stated USA Today.
I don't know about you, but I think that these donations seem a little like payback or graft. I am not saying that they are...just that it doesn't look or feel right.
Maybe it is time that our countries elected officials stop throwing such elaborate, extravagant, and actually pretty elitist parties. Yes, we should celebrate the election of our president. Any individual who would like to contribute a small amount should be allowed to, but lets stop corporate sponsorship!
What do you think?
January 7, 2013
Glory
Today I was reading Psalms 3:3. It says: But Thou O Lord are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. Those words are in one of my oldie but goody choruses, but today the words "my glory" stuck in my mind.
According to Strongs glory means to make or appear glorious, splendor, brightness, majesty, the glorious moral attribute and infinite perfection of God. (Don't you hate when the definition uses the word it is suppose to be describing!)
Rick Warren wrote: Glory is who God is: the essence the weight of His importance, the radiance of His splendor, the demonstration of His power, the atmosphere of His presence. (I love this definition of God's glory!)
So in this verse in Psalms do you think that David is claiming God, who is glorious, is his God or do you think that David is saying any glory that he has is a reflection of God's glory?
According to Strongs glory means to make or appear glorious, splendor, brightness, majesty, the glorious moral attribute and infinite perfection of God. (Don't you hate when the definition uses the word it is suppose to be describing!)
Rick Warren wrote: Glory is who God is: the essence the weight of His importance, the radiance of His splendor, the demonstration of His power, the atmosphere of His presence. (I love this definition of God's glory!)
So in this verse in Psalms do you think that David is claiming God, who is glorious, is his God or do you think that David is saying any glory that he has is a reflection of God's glory?
January 6, 2013
I Hate Change
"I hate change. I hate change. I hate change." I may not verbalize it that often, but it is a thought that circulates through my brain often. Lately, I have hated the change from my laptop to an IPad. Yes, my old laptop was slowly but surely dying and when Tom got me an IPad for my birthday I was excited... but that was before I realized that the format would be so different. I hate that I have to learn a new way of doing things.
Yesterday, I wrote a blog. Unfortunately, when I wanted to add photos I realized that I didn't know how. I tried a few things, but then gave up. Next, I went to publish the blog and I couldn't figure out how to post it. I tried a few things, but nothing worked... and I ended up losing the whole thing! I had to write the blog again and worry that I would lose the new copy too. Thankfully, I was successful on this second try, but. it was very frustrating!
So today I was wishing that I could have my old laptop back and I didn't have to learn this new system. The "I hate change. I hate change. I hate change." mantra was circling my brain. Then I realized that without change there couldn't be "renewal". Isn't that what my word for 2013 is about. I can't be "renewed" unless I let God change me. I need to learn to embrace change. It won't be easy. My new mantra needs to be:
"I want change! I want change! I want change!"
January 5, 2013
I Love January
I love January. It's not the weather, although so far this year it hasn't been bad. No, it's because in January I go into an organizing and cleaning frenzy. I organize...my life, calendar, house.
I start by picking my word for the year. This year it is "renewal," which goes along well with my organizing and cleaning frenzy. I choose a system for reading the Bible through. I start a new prayer journal. I set some goals for the new year.
Next, I organize my new calendar. I put in information...birthdays, anniversaries, and phone numbers.
Then comes the organizing and cleaning of our house. This year I started in my office. The closet in my office contains paperback books, Bible studies, photographs (which I organized last year!), sewing things, crafts, vases, wrapping paper, and miscellaneous things that gather over time. I got rid of many paperback books since I now read my books on my IPad. I organized my sewing things and craft boxes. I organized my wrapping paper by putting the wrapping paper in a shoe rack that is turned on it's side to keep the paper from falling everywhere, put a nail in the wall to hang the gift bags, used baskets for ribbons and bows. I removed a small file cabinet that I wasn't using. Then I moved on to the rest of the room. I have kept my desk fairly organized so I put away the clutter gathered on top and dusted. I dusted the remaining furniture and baseboards. I then vacuumed. Office finished!
The next room I tackled was the kitchen. Our pantry is in need of cleaning and organizing, but I need to buy new containers...so I will work on the pantry later. I put away clutter. I wiped down the counters, cabinets, appliances, and baseboards. I vacuumed the floors and then mopped. Kitchen finished!
Next I will clean and organize the living room, dining room, and entry. Followed by the guest rooms, bathrooms, and master bedroom.
I wish I could say that I keep our house organized and clean the rest of the year, but that never happens. At least I start out right. I love January!
* I was going to include some before and after pictures, but I haven't figured out how to download pictures with my IPad yet.
I start by picking my word for the year. This year it is "renewal," which goes along well with my organizing and cleaning frenzy. I choose a system for reading the Bible through. I start a new prayer journal. I set some goals for the new year.
Next, I organize my new calendar. I put in information...birthdays, anniversaries, and phone numbers.
Then comes the organizing and cleaning of our house. This year I started in my office. The closet in my office contains paperback books, Bible studies, photographs (which I organized last year!), sewing things, crafts, vases, wrapping paper, and miscellaneous things that gather over time. I got rid of many paperback books since I now read my books on my IPad. I organized my sewing things and craft boxes. I organized my wrapping paper by putting the wrapping paper in a shoe rack that is turned on it's side to keep the paper from falling everywhere, put a nail in the wall to hang the gift bags, used baskets for ribbons and bows. I removed a small file cabinet that I wasn't using. Then I moved on to the rest of the room. I have kept my desk fairly organized so I put away the clutter gathered on top and dusted. I dusted the remaining furniture and baseboards. I then vacuumed. Office finished!
The next room I tackled was the kitchen. Our pantry is in need of cleaning and organizing, but I need to buy new containers...so I will work on the pantry later. I put away clutter. I wiped down the counters, cabinets, appliances, and baseboards. I vacuumed the floors and then mopped. Kitchen finished!
Next I will clean and organize the living room, dining room, and entry. Followed by the guest rooms, bathrooms, and master bedroom.
I wish I could say that I keep our house organized and clean the rest of the year, but that never happens. At least I start out right. I love January!
* I was going to include some before and after pictures, but I haven't figured out how to download pictures with my IPad yet.
January 1, 2013
2013
Here we are at the beginning of a new year. Again this year Andy, Kelly, Matt, Tom and I decided to forgo resolutions and instead each pick a word that we would like to be our focus. I had a hard time picking my word this year.
Last year I had chosen the word "health". It was my goal to live a healthier life... physically. mentally, and spiritually. Needless to say, it didn't turn out the way I had planned. Starting in May, I fell into a deep depression. My medication had stopped working and it took most of the rest of the year to find new medicines that would work. We are still working on getting the right dosage.
After the year I had, I struggled to think of a word that wouldn't overwhelm me. A word that would encourage me and give me a direction. but not add more anxiety to my life. I asked my family for help. We decided that what I needed most this year was to be renewed.
As I have thought about the word renewal over the last few days, the Bible verse that says God will restore what was eaten in the years of the locust (Joel 2:25) keeps coming to mind. I am not sure if that is what God has planned for me this year, but I know that any true renewal can only come from Him.
So my word for 2013 is "renewal"
Last year I had chosen the word "health". It was my goal to live a healthier life... physically. mentally, and spiritually. Needless to say, it didn't turn out the way I had planned. Starting in May, I fell into a deep depression. My medication had stopped working and it took most of the rest of the year to find new medicines that would work. We are still working on getting the right dosage.
After the year I had, I struggled to think of a word that wouldn't overwhelm me. A word that would encourage me and give me a direction. but not add more anxiety to my life. I asked my family for help. We decided that what I needed most this year was to be renewed.
As I have thought about the word renewal over the last few days, the Bible verse that says God will restore what was eaten in the years of the locust (Joel 2:25) keeps coming to mind. I am not sure if that is what God has planned for me this year, but I know that any true renewal can only come from Him.
So my word for 2013 is "renewal"
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