Andy's Birthday

Today is Andy's 32nd Birthday!

I was so proud of myself, I bought his birthday card last week. It was this sweet card about what a wonderful man he has become. The problem was after I got home I realized that although it was wrapped in cellophane like the cards that come wrapped with their envelope this one was wrapped in cellophane just to protect it. Of course, I had no envelopes that would fit it. No problem, I had seen on Pinterest how to make envelopes. Oh wait, my paper wasn't big enough to make a cute envelope, I had just enough to fold it over and glue the edges. That would have been alright, but my rubber cement was pretty old and wouldn't brush on very well...oh well, so there were gaps. It was good enough.

For his birthday presents this year Andy had suggested that we buy him a couple of things on line...membership in a math club, an upgrade to his membership in an online chess club, and a bike. Online shopping makes life easier, but I always feel a little strange to not have something to give him in person. I decided to make him some chocolate chip cookies. I pre-heat the oven and start mixing all the ingredients ...everything is fine until I get to the last ingredient , chocolate chips, I go to the pantry and there are no bags of chocolate chips. I don't have time to get to the store to buy the chips and get the cookies made before I am due to be at Andy and Kelly's for dinner.

This is what I have to give to Andy: a card with a homemade envelope that is coming apart at the seams and a Tupperware container with chocolate chip cookie dough minus the chocolate chips! Happy Birthday Andy!

Andy is obviously thrilled!

Thankfully Kelly had one of his favorite meals prepared and a delicious birthday cake!

Sleep Paralysis--Diagnosed by a Novel

In November, I started experiencing what I thought of as episodes.

The first time I was having a nightmare, I was being chased, and was terrified.  I tried to wake up, my heart was pounding, I felt like I was in danger,  and my body felt really heavy. I fell back asleep, was in the nightmare, tried to wake up... I'm not sure how many times I repeated this process. Finally, I able to stay awake.

The second episode happened a few weeks later and followed the pattern of the first one, but at the end when I woke up I realized that I couldn't move. I couldn't turn over or raise my arms. I thought maybe I was  having a stroke, but dismissed that idea because strokes usually present on only one side.  Needless to say, I was terrified. After a minute or so, I was able to move again.

The third episode I again was dreaming, couldn't wake up, couldn't moved; but this time Tom was home!  I tried to call his name... I couldn't speak! I tried and tried and finally got out a growl.  After several growls I could say Tom's name and even got out a few words: help me, I can't wake up, I can't move.  Unfortunately, Tom was in a pretty deep sleep himself.  He rolled over toward me, patted my arm, and was going back to sleep.  I had to call to him several times. Finally, he woke up and helped me wake up.

Over the next months, I had a couple more episodes. The feelings of fear seem to increase...I felt like something evil was in the room and that it was holding me down.

Enter the novel! I love to read and mostly the books are romance novels. I was reading "Sleeping Beauty" by Elle Lothlorien. The story is about a women who suffers from sleep disorders.  These  are excerpts from the book of her describing her symptoms:
   
          "I started to notice that it took a long time to wake up."

         "I would be awake in my mind, but I wasn't always sure I really was awake."

          "... I couldn't move.  Well, sometimes I could open my eyes, but not much else."

          "And I would have these, uh, visions."

          "I would see things...people and colors and things in the room with me, around my bed."

The doctors explanation:

          "When a person enters deep dreaming REM sleep, the brain paralyzes the body so the dreamer
          doesn't act out the dream and hurt themselves while they are unconscious...Hypnopompic
          Paralysis like Ms Beau is describing happens when you wake up while you're still in REM. The
          person will be largely unable to move and may even continue to dream while awake.

Needless to say, I stopped reading the novel and got on the internet.  My first stop was webmd.  When I typed in hypnopompic paralysis I was directed to sleep disorders/narcoleptcy/sleep paralysis. The article stated: "The sypmptoms involve the temporary inability to move or speak while falling asleep or waking up. These episodes are generally brief, lasting several seconds or minutes.  After episodes end people rapidly recover their full capacity to move and speak."

Next, I went to Wikipedia. The article there was much more indepth. Describing signs and symptoms, diagnosis, prevention, treatment, prognosis, history, and folklore. It was interesting to read and reassuring.  Sleep paralysis is a fairly common disorder. Although scary, there is no damage done physically. If the episodes become too frequent or last a long time there is medicine that may help.

I have continued to have the occassional episode, but I have to admit that I feel a lot better knowing what is happening.

Meeting the Coop Keeper

I finally got to meet Jayme, the Coop Keeper!

Almost two years ago, I found talefromthecoopkeeper@blogspot.com and from the very first post I read I was hooked.  Jayme's bio reads, "I'm a 51-derful year old wannabe farm girl, living in NW Indiana, renovating and decorating an old farmhouse built in 1869.  I'm smitten with chickens, gardening, beekeeping, vintage campers, fitness, cooking, baking, and all things home. I live in an apron. I've recently lost 100lbs and have a few to spare. Welcome to my world."

It's funny, but that is exactly what reading her blog has done-- it let me into her world.  Many bloggers invite you to read about their lives...like reading a magazine or watching a tv show-- you can learn about who they are, what they do, and where they live; but you are not allowed to participate.  Jayme invites you to share her life. 

So, for the last two years, I have gotten to know Jayme.  I have laughed at her antics: walking to a neighbor's house in a snowstorm, tucking chicks in her bra to keep them warm, making movies with Aaron, and of course there is Helene! I have cried when she experienced loss: Aaron going away to school, her cat Jinksie and her banty hen Sissie passing away.  I encouraged her on her weight loss journey. She encouraged me to join her for "Boot Camp" and was still my friend when I quit the program. We have talked through comments on her blog, email, and even telephone calls...but we hadn't gotten to meet face to face.

Finally last week we got our chance.  Jayme hosted a open house on Saturday.  As soon as I read the
invitation on her blog, I wrote back that I would be there unless there was a snow storm and I couldn't find a snowplow to follow, or sled dogs to pull me, or a helicopter to drop me in.

Thankfully, Saturday arrived and the weather cooperated. I drove to Crowne Point, which is about two hours north of Indianapolis. Typical of me I had her address, but didn't get directions. It took me about 20 extra minutes to find her house, but finally I was there.  I recognize her house, her yard, and her vintage camper from her blog pictures!  I knocked on the front door, Jayme's friend open the door I heard her laugh coming from the kitchen, and a few more steps and there she was: all smiles and laughs and big hugs! 

I spent the next few hours meeting her husband and a few of her friends, touring her house, snacking, sipping tea (with honey from her bee hives!), sharing our lives, and of course laughing.  The time went by too quickly and it was soon time for me to head home.  I left with two rabbit figurines,
Spring Chicken Serum and lip balm made by Jayme, a vintage tablecloth, a dishcloth, some Easter candy, and plans to return in the summer! 

I encourage you to read Tale from a Coop Keeper. You will laugh, shed a few tears, and make a new friend... then maybe you can take a drive with me this summer to Crowne Point!

The Great Baby Book Snafu

Yesterday, was Matt's 26th Birthday. As part of celebrating Matt's or Andy's birthday, I look through their baby book and reminisce. So yesterday afternoon, I got out Matt's baby book, turned pages, and started oohing and aahing:

there was the copy of Matt's birth certificate with prints of his precious little feet...

there was the first pictures of Matt: the nurses cleaning him up, the first time I got to hold him, Tom rocking with him, the sweet expression on Andy's face when he first saw Matt...

there were the statistics of his birth:  weight 7 lbs 9 ozs,  height 19 3/4 inches, light brown hair, born at
1:44 pm...

there were pictures of his first Easter, his first 4th of July, his first Halloween, his first Thanksgiving, his first five Birthdays, his first five Christmases...

Wait! The picture for Matt's second Christmas (top left hand corner) didn't look quite right:

The picture was kind of blurry, but his hair seemed a little too dark and wavy... And I didn't think those were the curtains we had in the living room of the house on Jasper Way...And the tricycle is the one we got Andy not Matt....

Oh my gosh, the picture was of Andy's second Christmas not Matt's!  Then, I realized that the picture I had in the spot for his third Christmas was actually his second Christmas... and yes the other Christmas pictures were also off.

Now, here are the issues I have with this little snafu:

1.  How did I not notice all these things when I was putting the pictures in his book? And how did I miss the little date stamped in the corner that was read "1983", six years before Matt was born?  And how did I overlook the writing on the back of the picture that read "Andy, Christmas 1983"?

2.  How in the world have I looked at Matt's baby book at least once a year and never caught the mistakes? (Although really, I have been on some powerful drugs over the years for my depression!)

3.  How could Matt, Andy, Tom, family and friends have missed it all these years?

I guess the good news is that it was easy to remove the picture of Andy, move the other pictures into their correct places, and because I organized all my pictures last year...it was easy to find a picture of Matt on his fifth Christmas and to correct my mistake!

wrestling with God

I feel like I have been sick my whole life.  I have written many times about my struggle with depression.  But that is not what I am writing about today.  No, today I am struggling with my other life long sickness... motion sickness.

To many motion sickness is a malady they have while riding in a car or sailing in a boat or flying in a plane.  The terrible nausea that is associated with the movement of the car or the rocking of the boat or the shivering of the plane during turbulence.  The sickness that makes it difficult and uncomfortable to travel.  If you suffer from motion sickness, you know what I am talking about: the nausea, the sudden heat flash, the feeling of spinning, even the sensitivity to light and noise.  Thankfully there is Dramamine.

Yes, I suffer from traveling motion sickness, but mine goes a little farther than that.  I get sick when I swim or even just float in the water.  I get sick when I rock in a rocking chair.  I get sick watching my grandchildren twirl.  I get sick when I vacuum.  I get sick when I unload the dryer or the dishwasher.  I get sick when I clean the shower or the tub.  I get sick when I lean down to shave my legs.  I get sick when I exercise. I even get sick when I go shopping.  And the list goes on and on.

Dramamine often keeps me from getting sick, unfortunately not always.  I took Dramamine before I started to clean today.  I got my office dusted and vacuumed, but then I started to feel sick.  I had to stop and lie down.

I am lying down and feeling sorry for myself and doing some wrestling with God.  I have been incredibly blessed by God.  I know this.  I am even trying to keep a list of the gifts that He gives me (One Thousand Gifts by Ann Vankamp).  Yet, today I am questioning why I am so blessed, but often can't enjoy those blessings.  God has given me a loving husband, but I can't do many of the things that he would enjoy doing.  Then there are Andy and Matt, Kelly, Amelia and Asher, family, and friends that I am also limited in what activities that I can enjoy with them.  God has given me a beautiful house, but I get sick when I clean it.  There are so many things that I want to do, but can't.  I am wrestling with God.

Jacob wrestled with God.  I read about it this morning in Genesis.  He wrestled all night.  I'm not really sure what Jacob wrestled with God about.  I know that Jacob was on his way home and was about to face his brother Esau, whom had sworn to kill him for stealing their father's blessing.  I know that Jacob was afraid for his life and also the life of his wives and children.  Was Jacob wrestling with God because God had told him to go home...or was it about how Jacob was suppose to handle Esau... or was it much deeper and Jacob was wrestling with God over whether Jacob would accept God as his God?  In the end Jacob walked with a limp, was blessed by God, and had his name changed to Israel.

So, today I am wrestling with God.  What will be the outcome?  I don't know.  I do know that any time spent with God brings change... a deeper understanding of who God is, who I am, and how much He loves me.

Lamictal

I had just about finished writing this blog describing, in great detail, what has happened since my doctor prescribed Lamictal. By the time I got to paragraph four even I was bored...so here are the highlights:

Dr. Cobb prescribes Lamictal to help boost my medications that I take for depression.

Emotionally, I feel better than I have in a long time.

Physically, I start to experience side effects... nausea, nightmares, a rash.

I decide to continue medication until I see my doctor in January.

One week before I see Dr. Cobb, I can't take it anymore and reduce dosage...I know, I know, I don't recommend that anyone would change medication or dosage without talking to their doctor.

Feel a little better when I see Dr. Cobb. She is concerned with the side effects also. She recommends that instead of taking the pills before bed that I should take them at dinner time. We schedule a follow up in three weeks.

I can't wait that long! I am sick and tired of being nauseous. I am cutting down the dosage to one pill. If I am not feeling better in a week, I will call my doctor.

I just hate that we find something that makes me feel better emotionally and it makes me sick physically!

Corporate Sponsorship of Inaugurations

In the USA Today it is reporting "Business Giants Helping Obama".  President Obama has decided for his second inauguration that he will solicit corporate underwriting.  I don't know what past presidents have done, but I do know that for his first inauguration he refused corporate dollars.  Why the change?

The four corporations that were reported to be sponsors are: Microsoft, AT&T, Centene Corp, and Genetech.  Microsoft just received a $617 million software contract with the Pentagon. AT&T has been awarded a $4.6 million contract.  Centene Corp. manages health insurance programs in many states, including Medicaid.  Genentech is a drugmaking company.

"There are laws that bar federal contractors from spending money to influence presidential and congressional elections, but few limits are placed on post-election fundraising to pay for swearing-in festivities, on Jan. 20 and  Jan 21." stated USA Today.

I don't know about you, but I think that these donations seem a little like payback or graft.  I am not saying that they are...just that it doesn't look or feel right.

Maybe it is time that our countries elected officials stop throwing such elaborate, extravagant, and actually pretty elitist parties.  Yes, we should celebrate the election of our president. Any individual who would like to contribute a small amount should be allowed to, but lets stop corporate sponsorship!

What do you think?

Glory

Today I was reading Psalms 3:3.  It says:  But Thou O Lord are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. Those words are in one of my oldie but goody choruses, but today the words "my glory" stuck in my mind.

According to Strongs glory means to make or appear glorious, splendor, brightness, majesty, the glorious moral attribute and infinite perfection of God. (Don't you hate when the definition uses the word it is suppose to be describing!)

Rick Warren wrote: Glory is who God is: the essence the weight of His importance, the radiance of His splendor, the demonstration of His power, the atmosphere of His presence. (I love this definition of God's glory!)

So in this verse in Psalms do you think that David is claiming God, who is glorious, is his God or do you think that David is saying any glory that he has is a reflection of God's glory?

I Hate Change

"I hate change.  I hate change.  I hate change."  I may not verbalize it that often, but it is a thought that circulates through my brain often.  Lately, I have hated the change from my laptop to an IPad.  Yes, my old laptop was slowly but surely dying and when Tom got me an IPad for my birthday I was excited... but that was before I realized that the format would be so different.  I hate that I have to learn a new way of doing things.

Yesterday, I wrote a blog.  Unfortunately, when I wanted to add photos I realized that I didn't know how.  I tried a few things, but then gave up.  Next, I went to publish the blog and I couldn't figure out how to post it.  I tried a few things, but nothing worked... and I ended up losing the whole thing!  I had to write the blog again and worry that I would lose the new copy too.  Thankfully, I was successful on this second try, but. it was very frustrating!

So today I was wishing that I could have my old laptop back and I didn't have to learn this new system.   The "I hate change.  I hate change.  I hate change." mantra was circling my brain. Then I realized that without change there couldn't be "renewal".  Isn't that what my word for 2013 is about.  I can't be "renewed" unless I let God change me.  I need to learn to embrace change.  It won't be easy.  My new mantra needs to be:

                          "I want change!  I want change!  I want change!" 

I Love January

I love January.  It's not the weather, although so far this year it hasn't been bad.  No, it's because in January I go into an organizing and cleaning frenzy.  I organize...my life, calendar, house.

I start by picking my word for the year.  This year it is "renewal," which goes along well with my organizing and cleaning frenzy.  I choose a system for reading the Bible through.  I start a new prayer journal.  I set some goals for the new year.

Next, I organize my new calendar.  I put in information...birthdays, anniversaries, and phone numbers.

Then comes the organizing and cleaning of our house.  This year I started in my office.  The closet in my office contains paperback books, Bible studies, photographs (which I organized last year!), sewing things, crafts, vases, wrapping paper, and miscellaneous things that gather over time.  I got rid of many paperback books since I now read my books on my IPad.  I organized my sewing things and craft boxes.  I organized my wrapping paper by putting the wrapping paper in a shoe rack that is turned on it's side to keep the paper from falling everywhere, put a nail in the wall to hang the gift bags, used baskets for ribbons and bows.  I removed a small file cabinet that I wasn't using.  Then I moved on to the rest of the room.  I have kept my desk fairly organized so I put away the clutter gathered on top and dusted.  I dusted the remaining furniture and baseboards. I then vacuumed.   Office finished!

The next room I tackled was the kitchen.  Our pantry is in need of cleaning and organizing, but I need to buy new containers...so I will work on the pantry later.  I put away clutter.  I wiped down the counters, cabinets, appliances, and baseboards.  I vacuumed the floors and then mopped.  Kitchen finished!

Next I will clean and organize the living room, dining room, and entry.  Followed by the guest rooms, bathrooms, and master bedroom.

I wish I could say that I keep our house organized and clean the rest of the year, but that never happens.  At least I start out right.  I love January!  



* I was going to include some before and after pictures, but I haven't figured out how to download pictures with my IPad yet.

2013

Here we are at the beginning of a new year. Again this year Andy, Kelly, Matt, Tom and I decided to forgo resolutions and instead each pick a word that we would like to be our focus. I had a hard time picking my word this year.

Last year I had chosen the word "health". It was my goal to live a healthier life... physically. mentally, and spiritually. Needless to say, it didn't turn out the way I had planned. Starting in May, I fell into a deep depression. My medication had stopped working and it took most of the rest of the year to find new medicines that would work. We are still working on getting the right dosage.

After the year I had, I struggled to think of a word that wouldn't overwhelm me. A word that would encourage me and give me a direction. but not add more anxiety to my life. I asked my family for help. We decided that what I needed most this year was to be renewed.

As I have thought about the word renewal over the last few days, the Bible verse that says God will restore what was eaten in the years of the locust (Joel 2:25) keeps coming to mind. I am not sure if that is what God has planned for me this year, but I know that any true renewal can only come from Him.

So my word for 2013 is "renewal"