January...a month of snow, sickness, and screwed up sleep schedule

It is hard for me to believe that it is already January 31st. As I get older it seems that each day slowly passes by while the month slips away. January has been a month of snow, sickness, and screwed up sleep schedule. It started with such promise, but is ending with sadness for opportunities missed.

January was filled with snow... Snow showers where beautiful fancy flakes of snow drifted softly from the sky. Snow storms where the snow seemed to be dumped from dark clouds. Snow blizzards where snow was blown and whirled and threatened and drifted. Snow and more snow.

January was filled with sickness... Migraines with the need for silence, solitude, darkness, and drugs. Stomach flu with aches and pains relieved with tylenol and mylanta and crackers. Depression that saddened my heart and sapped my strength and was resistant to medicine and ultra violet lamps.

January was filled with a screwed up sleep schedule. Nights turned to days. Days turned to nights. Feeling off kilter. Feeling blah. Feeling sad. Out of sync with the world. Reading, reading, and more reading-- being entertained but not fulfilled. Not doing, or blogging, or really even being--just passing time.

But...

Today is a new dawn, a new day, a new opportunity, a new hope, a new mercy... and God is God!

Before and Afters

We bought our home in September. The house was built in 1988. This is what "my office" looked like when we first toured:

The walls were painted 2 shades of blue. The chair rail and trim was stained a dark brown. The floor was uneven and covered with a blue indoor/outdoor rug.

New Post

Changes we planned to make:

paint walls white

paint trim and chair rail white

level entry

new carpet

new curtain

paint walls blue

paint desk white

paint end table

hang pictures

paint frames

bookshelves

bulletin board

Process so far:

walls painted white (too stark... paint blue)

trim and chair rail white

entry leveled

new carpet

new curtain

pictures hung

this word "want"

We are almost two weeks into the new year. How are you doing on your resolutions or goals? It was a good idea for me to change my thinking from resolutions and goals to things I want to do. It seems so strange to me that thinking of what I want to do as opposed to what I should do would make such a big difference. The list didn't change, but the pressure to perform is so much less. I wish I could say that the pressure to perform was completely gone... guess that is too much to ask for a perfectionism addict to expect in two short weeks.

Items on my want list that I accomplished:

Several small items painted, entered Christmas 2010 in my Memory Book, finished reading a book on prayer, blogged seven times (including this one), sent 2 birthday cards, written a letter, updated my address book, read a novel, took 3 pictures of the day, and today I shoveled snow.

The next things on my want to do list are:

organize my projects

sew curtains for my office

buy Tom's birthday gift

visit Illinois

I had again planned to make it to Illinois this week, but this winter weather is playing havoc with my plans. When I moved I promised my sister that I would visit every week or at least a couple of times a month. It has been 5 weeks since I made it to Champaign. I needed to add "God willing and the creek don't rise (or freeze)" to my promises or better still stop making promises. My sister Pat understood that I hoped to go home that often, but that my trips depended upon weather and life co-operating, yet wasn't one of the lessons in Genesis about being careful what you promise.

Maybe I should have used that "want" word again...telling Pat that I want to visit as often as I can. As I write "want" there's a part of me that feels selfish. Why is that? There is nothing wrong with me wanting to visit home or get certain things done. In fact, they are probably actions that God would have me do. When I say what I want, it feels as if I have put myself ahead of everyone else. Yet God tells us that He wants to give us the desires of our heart (when they are according to His will). Sometimes I think I don't express my wants because I am afraid that even though God promised that He won't give them to me... not much trust there!

Can you truly love someone that you don't trust? I don't think so. What does that say about my love for God if I don't trust Him with my desires? I think I need to spend some time with God discussing this wanting thing!

Christmas Memories

My living room for the

next several days...

I never feel completely finished with Christmas until I scrapbook the memories. My sister, Pat, got me started in 1994 when she gave me a copy of "Christmas Memory Book" illustrated by Norman Rockwell.

To quote the first page:

"...Memories need a place to rest between the tellings, lest we forget Christmas Past. Keep your remembrances of love of family, the joy of friends and the warmth of good times. But more than just a place to store your memories, we hope this Christmas album will become part of your celebration of the joyous season-to-come as each year you read the stories, songs, and poems which tell the traditions of Christmas and instill us with its Spirit."

That "Christmas Memory" book was beautiful. It had a place to record favorite family recipes, traditions, the history of several songs and stories, and it held the memories of five Christmases.After 5 years I was hooked. The next Christmas I looked for a new copy of the same book and couldn't find it. Pat then again gave me a copy of different album called "A Christmas Diary." We didn't like the text and pictures as much in the new book, but we made do. I ripped out a few pages and covered some of the text with pictures.

By the time I was finished with the 2nd book (it also held 5 years) the scrap booking craze was in full bloom. I choose to just make my own album of memories. Now, 6 years later, I am on my second scrap book album! Like I said: I am hooked! It is one of my favorite things to do during the Christmas season to sit down and reminiscent. So many precious memories. It usually brings a few tears, seeing how much my boys have grown, remembering the different homes we have lived in, and mourning a little over my loved ones that I have lost.

I do have to confess that in January when I have finished buying new supplies, getting our photos copied, cutting, and gluing I am exhausted and promise myself that I will never scrap book again. Then the year passes and it's December again and I am shedding tears over my memories books and planning the theme for the present years entries.

So now you know why my living room is a scrap booking mess, why it will stay that way, and where you will find me!

Bible Study Genesis 16:6-16

After Sarai confronts Abram about Hagar, Abram tell Sarai that Hagar is her servant so she should do as she wants with her. Sarai treats her harshly, so Hagar runs away. The Angel of the Lord finds Hagar and tells her to return and submit herself to Sarai, to call her son Ishmael, and what his future will be like Hagar calls God the God who sees El-Roi and the well Beer-lahai-roi= a well of the living One who sees me. She has Ishmael. Abram is 86.

Words I looked up in Strong's Exhaustive

maid #8198 schephchah (shif-khaw)
= female bond servant or hand maid

hand #3027 yad (yawd)
=open hand

harshly, hardly (KJV) #6031 'anah
=for a wrong doing to abase, answer for, humble, chasten self

fleeing #1272 barach (baw-rakh')
= to belt, run away, flee in a hurry

mistress #1404 gebereth
= feminine of master

submit #6031 'anah
*same word that was translated as harshly above

affliction #6040 'oney (aw-nee)
= afflicted, humble, lowly, needy, poor
wild donkey #6501 pere
= wild donkey, comes from the word running wild

God #410 El
= God Almighty


my thoughts:
Abram turns the problem back on to Sarai to handle, is this because he is shirking his duty as head of the house or because he thinks that Sarai has made this problem and she should handle it?

The angel of the LORD is believed to be the pre-incarnate Jesus. He tells Hagar that she has to return and obey Sarai, but gives her hope for her future in Ishmael(which means “God hears”.

Hagar is awed with her meeting with Jesus. Calls God “God who sees”.

Sarai had her hand against Hagar and now Hagar's heir Ishmael would have his hand against Sarai's heirs.

Abram did call son by Hagar Ishmael, was this because Hagar had told him what God said or did God tell him or did Abram name him this because he thought that Ishmael was the promised one?

What these verses say about God
1. Not only is God eternal, so is Jesus who appears in the Old Testament also-- not as man, but as a being.
2. God sees
3. God hears
4. God responds
5. God delivers on His promises
what these verses tell me:
1. just because we have the authority, doesn't mean that we should abuse it
2. what we do to others often comes back to us even harsher

3. I can call upon God as my God who sees me, hears me, and answers me

Bible Study for 2011...Gen. 16:1-5

One thing I have already decided is that instead of setting the goal of reading the Bible through in one year-- 5 chapters a day, I am setting the goal to read the Bible, but not set the number of chapters or even verses a day that I should read. I love to not just read, but to study God's Word, so I will make my goal to spend 30 minutes reading and studying... and I will set the goal as daily, but reminding myself that goals are things I want to do.

What I studied today:Genesis 16:1-5

16:1 Now Sarai, Abram's wife had borne him no children, and she had an Egyptian maid whose name was Hagar.

16:2 So Sarai said to Abram, "Now behold, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children through her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

16:3 And after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram's wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife.

16:4 And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived; and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her sight.

16:5 And Sari said to Abram, "May the wrong done me be upon you. I gave my maid into your arms; but when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her sight. May the LORD judge between you and me.

words I looked up in Strongs Exhaustive Word

prevented, restrained (KJV) #6113 = hold back, close up, restrain

obtain #1129 banah= to build, obtain children, make repair

perhaps, that it may be (KJV) #194 uwlay = if so be, unless, may be

listened, harkened (KJV) $8085 shama= hear intelligently--implied attention, obedience

voice #6963 qowl= to all aloud, voice, claim, bleating

despised #7043 qalal= to be made light of, bring into contempt

wrong #2555 chamac = damage, injustice, wrong

LORD #3068 Yehovah= the Self Existing One, eternal

judge #8199 shaphat= to judge, pronounce judgment, vindicate or punish, defend , avenge

my thoughts:

1. Although God had promised Abram a heir of his own seed, had He made it clear that it was going to be through Sarai?

2. Funny how she blamed God for her not conceiving yet she didn't seem to ask God what he had planned. She came up with a plan for her to obtain a child.

3. It was a common practice during this time for a woman who couldn't conceive to have her maid become a concubine and have a child that the woman could claim as hers, but I doubt that this was what God had planned.

4. I thought it was funny that one of the definitions for voice was bleating. Was Sarai's voice sounding like sheep bleating to Abram? Is that why Abram gave in to Sarai so quickly or was he just happy to be with a younger woman or did Abram think that this was God's plan? Why didn't he ask God?

5. Did Hagar despise Sarai because Sarai had not treated her as a concubine but still as a maid. Or did she despise Sarai because she thought she was better than Sarai.

6. What made Sarai think that she could blame Abram for what has happened and what made her think that God would hold Abram responsible?

What these scriptures told me about God:

He is the self existent One, He was not created He is.

What these scriptures told me about me:

I need to not presume upon what I think God would have me do... I need to ask Him and wait until his answer is clear. The world's plans often sound good, but often leads to terrible consequences. Take responsibility for my decisions, don't try to pass the buck.

New 2011 Goals

January 4, 2011 picture of the day: My best girl, Amelia

This was a post that I wrote January 2nd:

[It is only the second day of 2011 and I might need to add another word to reflect what I should focus on this year. I have mentioned "grace" and "communication", but what I am feeling doesn't seem to fit into either of those categories. I am already feeling "discouraged", and no that is not the word I need to add and neither is "perfectionism". I have those things down pat.

Perfectionism and discouragement... the blog: I hate when I don't know how to do something. On the last blog I realized I didn't know how to add the pictures to my blog in the text... not at the beginning. Now today, I wanted to include the video "Paint Up the Sky" in this post, but I could only post it by itself. Just because I have been reading blogs for a year, what makes me think that I should automatically know how to write one? This will be a learning process.

Perfectionism and discouragement... Bible study. I have had the flu since last Thursday and have not felt up to reading or studying my Bible . My goal for this year was to read 5 chapters of the Bible each day. Now, as you know, last week had already read 15 chapters, putting me ahead 3 days. So as this is day 2, I am not really behind. But I because of my perfectionism I feel that I have already broken my goal. What I feel doesn't match up with reality, but I am discouraged.

So what word should I add to “grace” and “conversation” to focus on this year-- should it be truth: learning to discern truth and acting on that instead of how I feel-- or should it be forgiving: learning to forgive myself for not doing all that I want to get done.]

Last night I was laying in bed, again too sick to be up for very long, still thinking about perfectionism and depression and goals and organization. As I wrote earlier, I love organizing and setting goals, but if they only lead to me being depressed are they good things for me to do? Are organizing and/or the setting goals bad for me? Do I set my goals too high?I'm sure I didn't come up with all the answers, but I did decide that I need to rethink my goals. I need to set goals that encourage me to get some things done, but not so high that it is hard or impossible to reach them. Anything that I had planned to do everyday is unrealistic. I have to change the way I think about those goals as things I want to do instead of things I have to do.... So tonight I will spend some time looking over my goals and making them realistic and attainable.

The Afters - Light Up The Sky - Official Video

The F1H

Tom has decided that I have the F1H... the holidays flu. On Christmas day, we canceled our plans to travel to Illinois to visit my family because I was not feeling well. Then on Thursday, when my Mom, Steve(my

brother),Patty,and their kids were coming to visit us, I came down with the stomach flu. I spent most of their time in my bed. I had been so looking forward to their visit. I had not been back to Illinois in several weeks and was ready to catch up on news. Tom isn't great with the conversation part of entertaining, but thankfully he is great at the hosting part. He made lasagna for dinner, brownies for dessert, did the dishes, found sleeping places for everyone, made breakfast on Friday, and basically took care of all their needs. They left Friday afternoon. So Tom and I rang in the New Year with Tom snoring and me aching and moaning!

Now it is New Years Day and I am still in my bed sick to my stomach and sick of being in bed! I have just read one of the blogs that I follow

http://7294cottageway.blogspot.com/2010/12/2011-blogging-challenge.html

and she mentioned that she was going to try to blog daily and also follow her brother' suggestion to take a picture each day. I thought what a great way to remind me to take more pictures and to record not just the celebrations but the everyday happenings. So with that in mind:

the January 1, 2011 picture of the day was my view most of the day!